Who else am I? I am a sister. Biologically, I have two brothers. They know who they are. My big brother helped me form a resilience that is unmatchable. Trust me being picked on him for years helped. My little brother helped me have a great friend. As each others only playmates for years, we were close. We could imagine all sorts of things when we were playing in our tree fort or in the old hog floor that was our play house for years. It killed us when it was demolished.
Growing up, I hated being the only girl in my family, I dreamed of having a sister. Once my brothers got married, I earned two sisters. My older sister has been a part of our family since I was a teen. My younger sister just a few years but they both help to round out our family. I am so happy to see each of my brothers happy.
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Who am I? Day 3
As I sit reflecting more on who I am, I can't help but count one of my biggest titles... MOM! I dreamed of becoming a mom from the time Bill and I decided to marry. Actually I probably should say from the time I have dreamed of being a mom since I knew I could be a mom.
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I didn't fully understand just how hard that would make the process of getting pregnant. When I was 17, not only did I have to have my gallbladder removed, but I had to have multiple cysts drained from my ovaries. They were the size of grapefruit and softballs. This was the first glimpse where I started to understand my condition.
When Bill and I were just beginning to talk about marriage, I found out I had diabetes. As we progressed into our marriage and started to talk about having kids, we found out my diabetes was uncontrolled due to medication. I started insulin. Bill was warned that maybe we shouldn't get pregnant by some well meaning family members, that hurt. I wanted to be a mom so bad! We tried a while, we lost two babies in early pregnancy. One at 7 weeks and the other at 8 weeks. Right after both of these I was diagnosed with HPV which had cause CIN3 lesions on my cervix. I was at risk for developing cervical cancer. So they completed a LEEP procedure, where the doctor took a large area of my cervix out in an effort to stop the spread of the lesions. It hurt to think that I would never be a mom.
In that time, in that season of my life, I was so busy with school, that I let those students become my kids. A couple of them actually began calling me Mom and a few called me Mama Copeland. I wanted the best for them all. Bill and I talked about having a family, we both craved one so much. When I got the chance to come back to Buffalo and teach, we really started discussing the idea of finally starting a family. We weren't really trying, but weren't stopping things either, when we found out we were pregnant. I was so worried that I would get my hopes up again and have another miscarriage. When we made it past the first trimester, I was ecstatic. I was classified as high risk and had to see a specialist every 2 weeks during my pregnancy. We were over the moon when we found out it was a little boy! Bill would have his farming and everything buddy. At 26 weeks 4 days, I went into labor. I was seen at the hospital where they were able to stop the contractions. The doctor was a little concerned with how my cervix felt and asked that I take it easy the next few days until I saw the doctor. Yeah this was going to be easy. Did I mention we were in the process of moving, or that it was April and I was teaching. I taught from my office chair the next couple days. Then I saw my doctor. She wanted to do an ultrasound to check what the other doctor had felt. The ultrasound tech ran from the room and grabbed the doctor. I was fully effaced. This meant that my normally thicker cervix was completely thinned out and ready to deliver. My doctor was concerned. She had me wait while she called the maternal fetal medicine specialist. They were going to have me come back the next day to start steriod shots for the babies lungs. She had me go on home to get things laid out for my sub the next day. As soon as we got back to Buffalo, my doctor called. I was being admitted to the hospital that evening. How quick could I get back to Springfield? I quickly laid out sub plans and grabbed my grading. Surely I could do some of that while I was getting these shots right. I would only be gone a day right? Nope! I was admitted that night and spent the next 30+ days in a bed in PICU (perinatal intensive care). Our hopes were to keep Hunter put. At least until he was more viable. After all that time in bed, I was going stir crazy. Luckily at 32 weeks my doctor allowed me to return home. Hunter was born after 5 more weeks of bed rest.
Being a mom is my greatest achievement. I love this little man more that I ever thought! He is so much like his daddy and I. I am that momma bear for Hunter and all my "kids". You see I fully believe that after a year in my room you have a piece of my heart. I am your Momma Copeland. I will champion for you and all my kids.
Life as a boy mom is not always easy. From catching every critter possible to the mudpies to the sports he wants to compete in (Okay, wrestling is the only sport, right?), I never saw myself in this role, but I can't imagine anything else!
When I was 13, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I didn't fully understand just how hard that would make the process of getting pregnant. When I was 17, not only did I have to have my gallbladder removed, but I had to have multiple cysts drained from my ovaries. They were the size of grapefruit and softballs. This was the first glimpse where I started to understand my condition.
When Bill and I were just beginning to talk about marriage, I found out I had diabetes. As we progressed into our marriage and started to talk about having kids, we found out my diabetes was uncontrolled due to medication. I started insulin. Bill was warned that maybe we shouldn't get pregnant by some well meaning family members, that hurt. I wanted to be a mom so bad! We tried a while, we lost two babies in early pregnancy. One at 7 weeks and the other at 8 weeks. Right after both of these I was diagnosed with HPV which had cause CIN3 lesions on my cervix. I was at risk for developing cervical cancer. So they completed a LEEP procedure, where the doctor took a large area of my cervix out in an effort to stop the spread of the lesions. It hurt to think that I would never be a mom.
In that time, in that season of my life, I was so busy with school, that I let those students become my kids. A couple of them actually began calling me Mom and a few called me Mama Copeland. I wanted the best for them all. Bill and I talked about having a family, we both craved one so much. When I got the chance to come back to Buffalo and teach, we really started discussing the idea of finally starting a family. We weren't really trying, but weren't stopping things either, when we found out we were pregnant. I was so worried that I would get my hopes up again and have another miscarriage. When we made it past the first trimester, I was ecstatic. I was classified as high risk and had to see a specialist every 2 weeks during my pregnancy. We were over the moon when we found out it was a little boy! Bill would have his farming and everything buddy. At 26 weeks 4 days, I went into labor. I was seen at the hospital where they were able to stop the contractions. The doctor was a little concerned with how my cervix felt and asked that I take it easy the next few days until I saw the doctor. Yeah this was going to be easy. Did I mention we were in the process of moving, or that it was April and I was teaching. I taught from my office chair the next couple days. Then I saw my doctor. She wanted to do an ultrasound to check what the other doctor had felt. The ultrasound tech ran from the room and grabbed the doctor. I was fully effaced. This meant that my normally thicker cervix was completely thinned out and ready to deliver. My doctor was concerned. She had me wait while she called the maternal fetal medicine specialist. They were going to have me come back the next day to start steriod shots for the babies lungs. She had me go on home to get things laid out for my sub the next day. As soon as we got back to Buffalo, my doctor called. I was being admitted to the hospital that evening. How quick could I get back to Springfield? I quickly laid out sub plans and grabbed my grading. Surely I could do some of that while I was getting these shots right. I would only be gone a day right? Nope! I was admitted that night and spent the next 30+ days in a bed in PICU (perinatal intensive care). Our hopes were to keep Hunter put. At least until he was more viable. After all that time in bed, I was going stir crazy. Luckily at 32 weeks my doctor allowed me to return home. Hunter was born after 5 more weeks of bed rest.
Being a mom is my greatest achievement. I love this little man more that I ever thought! He is so much like his daddy and I. I am that momma bear for Hunter and all my "kids". You see I fully believe that after a year in my room you have a piece of my heart. I am your Momma Copeland. I will champion for you and all my kids.
Life as a boy mom is not always easy. From catching every critter possible to the mudpies to the sports he wants to compete in (Okay, wrestling is the only sport, right?), I never saw myself in this role, but I can't imagine anything else!
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Who Am I? Day 2
Today is a perfect day to describe who I am as a wife. For many of my growing up years I struggled to believe that I would ever get married. But my belief is that I was being held for “the one”. Mom always said I would marry the first man that I dated. So when I met this guy online and we agreed to go out in a first date, I was nervous. Would he be the one? Was I pushing fate by signing up for a dating service on line? Would my daddy despise what I had done or kill me for meeting him online? We talked during those 10 day leading up to our first date hours everyday. We both went through multiple phone cards (yes still had to use those!). I think we averaged 5+ hours a day. Some days this meant me waking up in the wee hours of the day to talk to him before he left to haul a load of clay or rushing back from a final to not miss his call. You see I was finishing up my last week of classes at SBU. The day of our first date is the day I graduated from college.
It obviously went well as we have been married for over 16 years now. I love this man. Being a wife defines me. I live to make our house a home. I try to be his helpmate doing things that sometimes make me uncomfortable like crossing a big ditch driving the excavator. I strive to help him and love him as he does me.
Being a wife is not always walking on streets of gold. Sometimes it’s avoiding the shards of glass. You see I’m bullheaded and that causes problems sometimes. I was raised a little different than he was. We want some opposing things in life but in the end we walk together side by side and make our path through this forest called life.
Saturday, June 15, 2019
Who Am I? Day 1
Let's start with an easy answer. I am Laura Lee, daughter of John and Betty. I am that. I am a daughter. I was born into a loving family. I was raised in that loving family. Sadly, almost twenty years ago, I lost my mother. I felt like she was not only my mother but my best friend. My world was torn apart. Through the experience of losing her and the time since I have gotten a better relationship with my dad.
Daddy worked hard when I was growing up. He worked so hard that there was much of the time growing up when I didn't get to see him because he was on the road for his job, or he was in the field, or helping a neighbor or friend. He was raised believing that hard work makes a man. To sit, makes you less than what you can be. He stayed busy. MFA kept him busy. When he was home, I would often ask too many questions about something that he was doing and he would get mad. That's me I question everything. I probably have a question about the questions you are asking right now. I understand his frustration now though, being a mom there are times when Hunter's questions drive me absolutely crazy, but I know he is learning. I learned a lot from my daddy. Hard work and resilience are two of the biggest. I am able to work hard and I am able to keep working hard no matter what obstacles are put in my way because of him, because of what he taught me. Daddy also taught me discipline. I remember many times when the belt was threatened or even used. It taught me to be a better person.
Mom, where do you start. She taught me to love, to be patient, and in her words "Not to be a jackass in front of company." Now she didn't curse much, but I knew she meant business when she did. She was my biggest critic but my best friend. I wanted to be a better person because she was. I wanted to be just like her. She strived and worked to be a teacher. She worked as hard if not harder than my daddy. She was the center of our family. Everyone revolved around her. Losing her at only 20 years old was beyond anything that I ever could ever had imagined. She was loved by many and that was easy to see when trying to attend her visitation or the funeral. In the midst of a major cold snap people stood in line for hours, they gathered with the family at the gravesite, and they loved each of us almost as much as they loved her.
I write this post because of who I am. I am a daughter. Now, what does that mean at this age? What does a daughter really do when she is 40? Well, this daughter coordinates dad's medical care, she checks that he has all his medications and travels at least once every 2 weeks (even with my demanding schedule) to ensure that his medications for the next 2 weeks are laid out. This daughter helps coordinate his meals. Even though through the school year these appear in freezer meals or in the form of my aunt cooking dinner for him and my uncle. It also appears by my brother or neice bringing him a meal. Dad hasn't cooked much since momma died, especially since his heart attack. I will continue to do as much for my daddy as he needs. There's not a whole lot I can do for my momma other than to take flowers to her grave and continue to share stories of her and her childhood with my son and all her grandchildren. The stories of her and her horses have calmed most of them to bed.
I am who I am because of my parents.
I write this post because of who I am. I am a daughter. Now, what does that mean at this age? What does a daughter really do when she is 40? Well, this daughter coordinates dad's medical care, she checks that he has all his medications and travels at least once every 2 weeks (even with my demanding schedule) to ensure that his medications for the next 2 weeks are laid out. This daughter helps coordinate his meals. Even though through the school year these appear in freezer meals or in the form of my aunt cooking dinner for him and my uncle. It also appears by my brother or neice bringing him a meal. Dad hasn't cooked much since momma died, especially since his heart attack. I will continue to do as much for my daddy as he needs. There's not a whole lot I can do for my momma other than to take flowers to her grave and continue to share stories of her and her childhood with my son and all her grandchildren. The stories of her and her horses have calmed most of them to bed.
I am who I am because of my parents.
Friday, June 14, 2019
Who Am I?
In the past couple days, I have been asking myself "Who Am I?". I've been listening to the audiobook Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis and before you critique my choice in books, it was shared with me by a colleague and friend. I have a deep connection with the author. I see her reasoning, I hear her purpose and I am guided to question myself as to what lies I have told myself. So in reflecting on what I had read I have challenged myself to write something on my blog each day for the next thirty days. Some of these posts may be long, some may be rather short. Some may expose things about me that you didn't know and some things that I wish no one did.
As I began thinking, what do I tell the world, what do I have to share with the people that are closest to me as well as with complete strangers, I felt a strong desire to write about who I am. Sure many of you know me as Laura Lee Copeland. Some of you know me as a Sanwald and some as a Copeland. Some of you know me as Miss Sanwald, Mrs. Copeland or Mama Copeland because you have seen me in the classroom or I have been blessed to have taught you or a loved one. Some are related to me. Some know the me that I allow them to know, but there are walls. There are things that I don't share with anyone. Sometimes the barriers even hide the information from me until I manage to recall it days, months, maybe even years later. You see, I'm more than all of those things. I have titles sure, but I have words that describe me as well. So over the next thirty days I will write about each of these things that define me.
Thank you all for walking with me on my journey! Much love!
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Patience for the right time
I graduated Lebanon High School with the plan of attending SBU just like my mom and grandma had. I planned on teaching. I figured that even though I hadn't dated in high school, during college I would surely find the man of my dreams and we would get married. That never happened.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. When I lost my mom during my junior year, I didn't know what I would do. Somedays I still don't. She was my rock, my best friend, and my biggest suppporter. I still planned on teaching, but mom had wanted me to continue and get a minor in computer science so I did which added an extra year to my stay at SBU. This gave me time to grow and to create some very worthwhile relationships. I student taught the final semester at SBU and was offered a teaching contract at Buffalo High School. I was so excited. I loved being a Bison.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. A week before I was supposed to graduate, I met a man. Little did I know that man would later become the love of my life and we would get married just a year later. I should have known when my sister told me the morning of graduation she was pregnant with my nephew and that he could be in my wedding. That was the day of my first date with Bill. We've barely been seperated since.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. Bill wanted to stay on his family's farm and milk so I left my job at Buffalo High School to begin a new job in Steelville. When Bill and I began our journey as a married couple, neither one of us could have imagined the length of the journey or the bumps in the road. When we were first married we both believed we would live in St. James and continue milking.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. We moved to Salem and I continued teaching in Steelville. I loved my job and the people I worked with.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. So, I started teaching at a K-8 school outside Salem. We thought that was the plan. It was just a few miles from our house and we thought we would be there forever. Bill was running a great business although he was having to stay away from home quite often.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. I left my job at the K-8 school realizing I was NOT cut out to teach middle schoolers. (I still haven't gotten all my hair back!) I called Buffalo to see if there were any job openings. Luckily there was a math position. I interviewed the next week and got the job.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. Less than a week before school was supposed to start we found a house to rent in Buffalo. It was close to the school and I knew it would be perfect. Little did I know there was going to be a big change in our lives that year. On my little brother birthday, we found out we were pregnant. Bill started working closer to home and was working for an older couple when they offered us a place to rent on their farm.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. During the move, I went into labor 3 months early. I spent over 4 weeks in perinatal ICU before being allowed to come home on strict bedrest. Our beautiful bouncing baby boy was born on July 1st. He became the center of our world. We had to move from the house we were living in when black mold was discovered under the bathroom. I didn't want our little man to get sick although he did develop asthma which I blame on the mold.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. We moved to Lebanon with my aunt. She was caring for my grandma and we thought this would be a good situation for all of us. We would help with her house and with grandma. Grandma passed away on May 23, 2011.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. My aunt wanted to move home so Bill and I moved to live with my dad. In the end this was a good situation as dad had a heart attack in February 2012. We were there to help him. We thought we were in the right place.
Life got in the way. God had a plan. Traveling to Pittsburg last November to help a friend by shutting off her water for the winter at her lake house, we saw a house that we looked up online. It was a different style house and that was where we left it. Bill went back to the lake in April to turn my friends water back on and noticed the owners had put the house up for sale. We thought what the heck let's take a look. We both fell in love at first sight. It was everything we had wanted for years and more. So we bought the house.
God has had a plan for us since we got married. Since before we knew each other. We would end up in this place. I just pray for his continued guidance and plan. I hope that I can always follow his desires for my heart and life.
Friday, September 6, 2013
My Purpose
As the song goes some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck, some nights I call it a draw, and nights like tonight I stay up and realize just how lucky I am. Lucky to work at a job that I love, lucky to be in the place and time where I am, and lucky to have the love and respect of so many people.
My biggest goal when I was struggling all those nights in college, my biggest reason for returning to college after my mom was killed, the thing that kept me sane all those night I thought I would lose it when I thought about having lost someone so special to me I have finally attained. I have realized what my mom always said filled her heart with happiness and I think I must have learned well from her. Tonight I attained the one goal I set for myself. Actually I may have attained it before tonight but this is the night where I finally realize my true calling has been found. I have been important in the life of a child. I have helped a child to reach into themselves and find their own self confidence to work problems in college.
I received a text earlier from one of my former students who is away from home attending college for her first time and working hard. She mentioned how much she needed to thank me for being able to "hear" me in her ear everytime she works a math problem in her College Algebra class. She doesn't need to thank me...that's my job right? Then I think about all the teachers who are merely there to fill a void. They never connect with their students. They never care whether that student who is failing all but one class is just crying out to someone to notice and care enough to help them with a problem. Some nights I wonder how to share with all the teachers I know just exactly how it feels to have attained a goal. I help my students set goals all the time. You know the goal to pass the next test, raise their grade by the next grade check, or just to be able to show up to school the next day. But my goal, the one that has been just out of reach for almost 14 years has finally been attained.
My students don't realize just how important they are. Some may, but most don't. They don't realize that they are each one of my children. I have given each of them a piece of my heart and many of them have found that place a comfort zone. They come back to visit and just have a little Mama Copeland time. They come back to tell me how their lives have moved on past high school and how they are raising their own families. They reach out to me through email, phone, and text messages. And I realize each time I talk to them how much I just want to keep them under my wings at least for a little longer. It's like the poem goes about our Lord and the walk along the beach. It was when there was only one set of foot prints that he carries us. For my students, I would carry each and everyone of you as far as necessary to get you past your struggles. To help you set and attain goals. My love goes out to all my former, current, and future students. You are each a special part of me.
My biggest goal when I was struggling all those nights in college, my biggest reason for returning to college after my mom was killed, the thing that kept me sane all those night I thought I would lose it when I thought about having lost someone so special to me I have finally attained. I have realized what my mom always said filled her heart with happiness and I think I must have learned well from her. Tonight I attained the one goal I set for myself. Actually I may have attained it before tonight but this is the night where I finally realize my true calling has been found. I have been important in the life of a child. I have helped a child to reach into themselves and find their own self confidence to work problems in college.
I received a text earlier from one of my former students who is away from home attending college for her first time and working hard. She mentioned how much she needed to thank me for being able to "hear" me in her ear everytime she works a math problem in her College Algebra class. She doesn't need to thank me...that's my job right? Then I think about all the teachers who are merely there to fill a void. They never connect with their students. They never care whether that student who is failing all but one class is just crying out to someone to notice and care enough to help them with a problem. Some nights I wonder how to share with all the teachers I know just exactly how it feels to have attained a goal. I help my students set goals all the time. You know the goal to pass the next test, raise their grade by the next grade check, or just to be able to show up to school the next day. But my goal, the one that has been just out of reach for almost 14 years has finally been attained.
My students don't realize just how important they are. Some may, but most don't. They don't realize that they are each one of my children. I have given each of them a piece of my heart and many of them have found that place a comfort zone. They come back to visit and just have a little Mama Copeland time. They come back to tell me how their lives have moved on past high school and how they are raising their own families. They reach out to me through email, phone, and text messages. And I realize each time I talk to them how much I just want to keep them under my wings at least for a little longer. It's like the poem goes about our Lord and the walk along the beach. It was when there was only one set of foot prints that he carries us. For my students, I would carry each and everyone of you as far as necessary to get you past your struggles. To help you set and attain goals. My love goes out to all my former, current, and future students. You are each a special part of me.
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